Just a quick glance

My semester break is coming up and as I am looking forward to having some time “off” I remembered that I have this blog. Once again my desire to add to this blog is increased, not because I need my opinions “out there” but because my children read this blog when something new comes up, and I want them to have something challenging to read. At any rate – let me mention something that is on my heart at this moment.

I recently learned that an acquaintance of mine was sanctioned by his church for adultery- I don’t know the details, but, knowing this church, it had to be pretty obvious for them to do something. This man was in a position of responsibility in the Church, and so his case is more public than some. Sadly, my first thought when hearing of his sanctioning was- “I knew this would happen!” In my sinfulness I congratulated myself at recognizing his weakness and identifying the likelihood that he would be caught up in this sin.

Thankfully I am growing enough in the Lord that He was able to chide me promptly for my sinful attitude of judging someone as less spiritual than I when I can so easily fail myself. The truth is that this man, let’s call him Joe, did have a shallow presentation of his faith. Joe preached a sermon when I was last in his church on how to be a happy Christian. His premise was that happy Christians are strong Christians, and I took exception to his premise. I find in Scripture that a focus on God’s work does bring a sense of peace and happiness, but even Jesus found Himself in inner conflict as He prayed “Not my will, but thine…” When my happiness is my goal I will find that my actions will eventually be against God’s plan. I suspect that Joe’s sermon was a symptom of his personal decision to seek his will above God’s, and that this mindset left him open to adultery. I don’t know this for sure, but I have known Joe for some time, and this belief fits with his behavior for the last twenty years.

Now, what does this mean for me? I was once again reminded that I am easily swayed from Paul’s admonition to keep my mind set on God’s ways rather than being distracted by the wasteful pleasures around me. Col 3:1-5 (ESV) “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

I can easily judge someone for their failure to keep their focus aloft (looking up to God), but by doing so I can lose my focus. An idea that I find helpful is to remember how I use my eyes when I drive with my family. If I spend too much time looking at any car beside me or at anything in the car with me the results can be disastrous. I want to know what the drivers in the cars around me are doing. If they are looking around to change lanes I want to get out of their way if I can. If they are texting, reading the paper, or arguing with their passengers I want to keep a safe distance between us.

The same idea applies to my Christian walk. I need to glance around me at what others are doing, but I want to keep my mind on Christ's path for me. I need to notice Joe's weakness and pray for him. I need to avoid some of the mistakes that led to his failure so that I don't follow, but I don't want to get too involved as a spectator or the results may lead to my own crash. If I am part of the solution for Joe, then his path may be part of my path, but if I am not involved, as Dad often says, I need to get on with my work.

Scripting

We took advantage today of a new promotion offered by Charter for a low price on cable tv and internet. They provided me with an e-mail address and a password but I didn't like the password so I clicked on the link to change the password. The link took me to the page to manage my charter account, but when I tried to access my account the FAQ said that I needed a code found on my bill to access that area. Since I established service today I don't have a bill and the technician didn't give me anything similar to the code I needed.

I got onto an online chat with a representative and she began with her scripted opening statement asking for my SSN, phone #, and full name. I then stated my problem as not being able to modify my account online because I don't have the security code on the bill. She then asked me for the security code. I asked her where I could find the code, but she responded that all I had to look at the top right corner of my bill. I once again typed out the fact that I had no bill to which she replied that she could not help me with the question and to contact my local office in the morning (it is past office hours).

So as I typed "thanks for your help" she sent "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Now she had just told me that there was nothing she could do for me without the code on my nonexistent bill. I just love scripts. They don't always work for the situations the consumer response "engineer" designs them for. I responded by asking if there was anything she could do without my security code, and she agreed that there was nothing she could do for me. So I said goodnight. I tried to paste the chat onto here, but it didn't copy and I closed it before I got a screenshot. Oh well.

Many consumer care departments work off of scripts now. The technician is expected to follow the script as closely as possible, and I have found that some have even scripted "chit-chat" into the computer screens of their workers. I got one poor woman to prove my point by figuring out how to get her into an endless loop on her screen script prompts until we both broke out into giggles every time she uttered a new sentence. The thing is that they rarely are able to deviate from the scripting because their calls may be monitored for that very thing. In other words, the consumer has made it clear that we would rather speak to a person than a computer, but we almost end up speaking to a computer through a person. Sorry, it just gets to me sometimes. Back to the regularly scheduled program.

The Apple Tree

This evening while I was sitting in the service at Church preparing for Communion I felt totally inadequate to come to the Table. I basically told God that I just hadn't come to the point where I could come with a clear conscience. As my own advocate I pointed out I had improved in the areas in which I normally sinned, but I reminded myself that I still constantly struggled with wrong thoughts and attitudes that I should have mastered long ago. I confessed these to the Lord, but I still contemplated leaving before the serving of the bread and "wine". Then an analogy came to mind-

It was as if I was an apple tree and my fruit was my offering of worship to God. Every week He would come to taste of my fruit, and every week the last seven days produced the fruit that He sampled. I learned to cringe every week because I knew that while I was producing one of the apples He would choose to sample I allowed a bird to nick the skin of one, or a worm would have been chased out of the other. I may not have sent the right amount of sugar to one, or spent enough time reddening another that was now marked with a splotch of green. Every week the Lord would take of my fruit and savor every bite as if it was the best He ever had. I finally tired of this charade and asked- "How can you act as if my fruit was so good? It has so many imperfections!"

The Lord answered, "But it is the fruit you made for me, and I enjoy it because you did work to make it sweet and red. I gave you the sun and rain, I made the bugs and birds, and I provided the conditions to make the sugar. You chose to deal with each one of these to make the fruit. I know it isn't perfect, but it still has sweetness because you made it for me. In time when I replant you in my new garden your fruit will be perfect. For now you can just keep working to make it better and I shall be very pleased. I don't pretend to enjoy your fruit, it is exactly what I want. See you next week."

Of course this analogy isn't perfect, but the concept worked for me. I will work harder to guard my thoughts and time this week. I will spend more time praying and less time just fooling around without any purpose. But when Sunday comes and I offer the fruit I have in my heart as praise The Lord will see it washed in the blood of Christ. Without the sin the effort will be the kind He wants. A misshapen red-green apple that is fairly sweet is not the best, but it can still be refreshing. I pray that the Holy Spirit guides us all to be those kinds of working trees this week. Onward and upward!

An artifact from a different era

I found this card recently that dates from the late 1960s and it struck me how much things have changed. I deleted the name of the person to whom it was addressed, but it seems that it was given to the patient by the surgeon. To see a larger size click on the images. I cannot imagine anyone getting one of these now from their surgeon. Times really have changed.

The dreaded apology

Molly was a hamster that Middlesweet adopted a few years ago, and it lived a relatively peaceful life in her little house in a corner of our home until Wonderful noticed that it was not eating as much during the last weekend. I held the trembling body in my hand and noted that the poor thing's abdomen was swollen and black. I warned Middlesweet that her little pet was very sick and probably not long for this world. Monday morning the little thing started smelling rotten and by evening it had become a lifeless form on a blue towel prepared for a final goodbye. I held my daughter in my lap in front of the fuzzy form and encouraged her o whisper her goodbye, and through moans of grief and tears Middlesweet apologized to the hamster. "I'm sorry I didn't play with you enough!"

The other two children were allowed to say their goodbyes after Middlesweet completed her alone time with her pet and I buried the little body in an undisclosed location. I was given pause by Middlesweet's sad confession of not spending enough time with her pet. Of course too much time with the hamster would have probably terrorized the little thing, but how much time would have been enough? I feel like confiding in my daughter that I never spend enough time with her, and that when it comes time for her to move on to the next things I will tearfully admit that I won't be ready. Life marches in a continuous string of moments that cannot be retained or paused. I hope my children remember plenty of those moments on my lap or in my embrace to sustain a sense of my love for them, but I will be still be asking for one more moment to say it one more time. Every loved one to whom I have said goodbye deserved so much more than I gave. I think I will tell my girl that it is better to realize that we made an attempt to show our love than to realize that we kept planning on doing it better later instead and never got to it.

A Father's Delight

Forgive me for playing catch-up by posting more than once today, but I have all these unposted notes I am trying to clear off my PDA.

My eight year-old son has fallen in love with reading, and his favorite series of late is the Eragon series by Christopher Paolini. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eragon) Saturday night he confided in me that he was not going to read any of these books on Sunday. When I asked why his response was that God has made him feel that Sunday should be a day to focus on God and not on other things that delight us. He also noted that he was not going to play any of the allowed computer games on Sunday either, for the same reason. Needless to say I was floored. This is not a family rule, and I stated that to him, but encouraged him to stick by his commitment so that he would not quench the Spirit if it is truly God who directed him to make these decisions.

This whole thing was very challenging to me as I see myself acting selfishly all the time, and I really need to spend more time focusing on God. I told Wonderful that I am not the right father for this boy- he needs a godly man to lead him. Of course Wonderful gave the pat answer that I am just right for my eldest and that she thinks I am wonderful. I told her she just doesn't want to admit she made a mistake in marrying me, but she just rolled her eyes at me. Whatever.

So Sunday comes, and my eldest gets all goofy and plays with his sister and my wife's puppy all afternoon, instead of quietly sitting in his room reading the Holy Scriptures as he intended. He did read several chapters of the Bible during church and the ride to and from church, but the afternoon did not pan out as he stated it would. What do I do? I simply let him do his thing. (at this point Wonderful would want me to note that I did sleep through much of this and could not have done anything anyway. As she said I slept through everything she probably would roll her eyes again) In fact, though, as I put my son to bed that night I could have rehashed the day and kept him accountable to his commitment a day earlier, but I did not. As I have said, I let him do his thing.

I admit that I am still proud of him for making this commitment, because he heard the voice of God and responded in his heart. His response isn't perfect, and probably never will be. The point is that his little imperfect effort warmed my heart. So God snags my heart over to the corner and tells me- "I am YOUR father. Don't give up on your efforts to make me proud. You will get there someday if you keep trying, and that desire means more to me than some artificial righteousness."

I am proud of the imperfect artwork on my refrigerator, and the mispronounced words read to me from the pages of some difficult Dr. Seuss book. I am proud because they represent honest effort and a desire to please. I am not satisfied to keep my children here, but I am delighted that they are at this place now. My Father in Heaven is the same. He knows we have much to learn and grow, but He delights in our honest efforts. Never give up because you aren't good enough, because your Father is ok with that if it is your current best. Commit to continue to grow and listen for His promptings to learn from your mistakes. I have committed to do so.

Flourish here

Numbers 34:1, 2 "The LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “Command the people of Israel, and say to them, When you enter the land of Canaan (this is the land that shall fall to you for an inheritance, the land of Canaan as defined by its borders)...""

This is an idea that is almost as foreign as arranged marriage to our American culture. God basically told Israel that "this" set of borders shall define your land and no more. Later under the kings the borders became more fluid, and it can be argued that the people of Israel never really did possess the land deeded to them by God. The point that I want to make is that God never seemed to intend Israel to make an expansive empire. Americans seem to think that if it seems possible to have more then it is God's will for me to have it. History students will instantly connect with this the philosophy of manifest destiny that defined American expansionist policy, but while this may present itself in American foreign policy it is more pervasive in our personal decisions. I think of this when my fellow-parents describe how busy they are with their kids between soccer, dance, piano, and other activities. It seems that while there is a chance to add on things to do, we just keep adding them on because we can. The same goes with the opportunity to increase income, or education. I write this with a bit of self-condemnation because I am sitting here in class knowing that my kids won’t see me tonight.

The question I constantly ask myself is whether my expansion of my personal empire is really God’s call on my life. It is necessary that I remember that, just like any of Israel’s expansions, any expansions for me come at some cost to someone. In my case I see my wife and children suffer from the fact that I am gone quite often for the benefit of my education. I assuage my guilt by remembering that I chose a shorter route that I had initially intended, but it is still true that I feel that I have abandoned my family for my education. I could not do this without my family’s support, but it is also true that they are all suffering. For this reason I am delaying any decision on further education after I finish school in 250 days. I want to assess my family’s needs at that time and determine how I can best meet those needs.

The problem, I think, is not how busy we are, but why. Many of our activities are good, but not necessary to fulfill our personal missions from God. Many of my friends expand their “territory” because they can. That promotion at work, educational opportunity, or sports program for our kids can be made to work with our lives, but just because it is possible doesn’t mean that it is the right thing. God gave a specific mission to the nation of Israel- occupy the land I gave you and take of it so that I can make it flourish. God has given each of us a mission for our lives, and it is not to fill every moment of our lives so that we can make more money or keep our families as busy as possible. Even as busy as my life is I have been led by the Lord to evaluate my moments with my family to make them fulfill my mission to disciple my wife and kids as effectively as possible. Even so, I must also evaluate my moments away from home for those opportunities to reach into their lives because they are my mission. This doesn’t mean that I will take you aside, like some well-meaning friends did for me when I first started my education, and tell you that you cannot fulfill God’s will for your family if you add this thing on. I cannot tell you what God has called you to do, but I can remind you that we need to stay on mission and support you if you believe you are. Not only do we need to stay on mission, but we need to do well too.

Formless

Deuteronomy 4:15 “Therefore watch yourselves very carefully. Since you saw no form on the day that the LORD spoke to you at Horeb out of the midst of the fire, beware lest you act corruptly by making a carved image for yourselves, in the form of any figure, the likeness of male or female, the likeness of any animal that is on the earth, the likeness of any winged bird that flies in the air, the likeness of anything that creeps on the ground, the likeness of any fish that is in the water under the earth. And beware lest you raise your eyes to heaven, and when you see the sun and the moon and the stars, all the host of heaven, you be drawn away and bow down to them and serve them, things that the LORD your God has allotted to all the peoples under the whole heaven. But the LORD has taken you and brought you out of the iron furnace, out of Egypt, to be a people of his own inheritance, as you are this day."

One of my favorite philosophy classes involved a discussion of the theory of knowledge. The idea is that our minds are so easily tricked that we can be deceived into believing anything, and so several philosophers have tried to establish a framework upon which true knowledge can be framed. The classic skeptic insists that no framework can be formed and so it is impossible to state that there is any truth. Of course this makes for interesting theory, but what happens in practice is another story for the skeptic. When face to face with a lion intent on eating him the skeptic will leave all discussion aside and seek safety. It is hard to ignore what our eyes tell us. This is why Moses made a point of instructing his people on the worship of the One True God. "God is formless" Moses stated, "So avoid the temptation to let your eyes lead you!"

I read this passage with little concern because I don't worship heavenly bodies or earthly statues, but Moses added a little to his warning
"Lest... you be drawn away and bow down to them and serve them". That God led Moses to add the word ''serve" to his warning makes me wonder what I serve. How would I know? It seems that I serve whomever wins out in a conflict. If that were true then I serve God because when I am forced to choose I choose my family first, because they are my God-given responsibility. Well, actually I seem to serve my family because when a conflict arises I choose my family because I imagine at that moment how sad they would be if I chose otherwise. Then my thoughts continue to help me realize that I really tend to serve myself because when I choose my family when a conflict arises it is because of how it makes me feel to make my family happy.

The fact is that while we don't worship idols shaped like people, animals, or heavenly bodies we still often find ourselves serving something other than God. How often do you feel that your meanest master is the clock? It may be a sign that you are "serving the sun" because the movement of the clock is based on the sun. Why do we seem to serve these things instead of God? It is because these things have a form while, as Moses reminds us, God is formless. What is more driving than the ticking of the clock? What is more insistent than the demands of a child? What is more clear motivation than a hungry stomach? All these are more tangible than the formless God, but He is no less real. I am forced to remember that I can be swayed away from God by those that are visible and more urgent. I pray that as I eat, take care of my children, and live within the constraints of my schedule I will remember to do it all to God's glory.

God's Voices

I try to pray with my children every night whether they are awake or asleep (some nights I come home very late), and my prayers usually go something like this "Lord, thank you soooooo much for my sweet (insert name of child) who I love soooo much, and I pray that You would help her to love you and to give her heart to you and follow you every where you want her to go. Help her to know how much you love her and that we love her too, and help her to know your voice and obey you, even in her dreams tonight. In Jesus name amen." Of course it changes based on the events of the day, the plans for tomorrow, and whatever had just been discussed between us. Sometimes we pray for other people and if time is short it may be even shorter than the above.

One night I was praying with one of my youngsters at bedtime and the child asked how to hear God's voice. "Do you hear it with your ears?" Of course the answer is I don't know, but I do know that it will never contradict His Word and so I answered, "That really depends on you and God, sweetie, but I think that if you spend time really studying God's Word you will recognize God's voice when He speaks." "Have you heard God's voice Daddy?" "I think I have." "What did it sound like?" "I don't know, I just knew it was God's voice."

That answer had to satisfy for I had other cheeks to kiss and other hugs to give, but I didn't want to give too specific an answer because God's voice is not always what you expect. To me it has been audible (in my ears only) at rare instances, and other times a still small patient voice in my heart that waited for the very quietest moment of frustrated silence. If I tell my child what to listen for, it is possible that she might miss it when God speaks. This is the most frustrating thing about God to me- He is not a checklist God. If you read through the first few books of the Protestant Old Testament you will find that God has some very specific directions for how to obey Him, but then David, whom God called a man after His own heart, states in his writings that God really wants sacrifices of the heart more than those detailed ones in Leviticus and Numbers. Jesus told the "woman at the well" that God wants worship in "spirit and in truth" which is hard to accomplish with a checklist. Why?

I spent some time in my early twenties working with a homeschool organization which followed some legalistic ideas about honoring God. I was taught that listening to certain types of music, reading certain kinds of material, and talking to certain kinds of people would make me tainted in God's eyes and unacceptable to Him. This group also had a list of standards that worked as a checklist to assure that one would be pleasing God. This list included times to study the Bible, when to fast, how to speak, what facial expressions to maintain, and so on. I felt that as I checked things off this list daily I would be a better Christian.

Then one day I began to memorize Romans 8. The first verse is confounding. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." I know that Jesus found forgiveness for all of our sins on the cross, but that doesn't mean that we are sinless, just not facing full punishment for our sins if we trust in Christ. As one reads through the passage he realizes that the condemnation is probably legal in a sense in that we are not condemned because we are covered by Christ's blood, but it is also practical in that the same law does not apply. Paul wrote in verse that "the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." What is "the law of sin and death" but the law of condemnation and punishment? Sin=condemnation, death=punishment for sin.

As I studied this passage God brought to mind the era of my childhood when I changed from doing the absolute minimum to avoid punishment to doing the most I could to bring pleasure to my father. I see this in my children at times- my son will obey the law of condemnation and punishment when he constantly watches me to see how much he can get away with before he gets in trouble. We find that we watch each other, because I want to stop his misbehavior before it gets out of hand and he is stressed over when I will come to the breaking point. On the other hand I see my son watching sometimes to see if I am delighted in his behavior. This is when he is doing what is right and just wants to give me pleasure in him. As my children are learning, when they establish the pattern of obedience both of us relax and they have more freedom to enjoy life because they aren't worried about getting in trouble. In these times my children have counted certain actions as not even worth considering because they don't please me, even when they wouldn't be punished for them.

This is how I envision the "law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus" mentioned in Romans 8:2. I don't live in the fear that the next thing I do will bring me into God's judgement, but I find myself evaluating things based on how much pleasure it will bring to God. I still make mistakes, but that allows me to come to God in prayer based on Christ's perfect record and not my own. That is why Paul writes later on that instead of always thinking about how my flesh motivates me as a spirit indwelt child of God my mind is focused on the things of the spirit.

In other words, this became practical for me as I stopped worrying about when I would have my next "bad thought" and began to focus on how to find more time to mentally focus on my Lord's Word and work. I ceased being afraid to hear God's voice for fear of hearing condemnation, and began to learn to hear God's voice in all the moments of life. Sometimes I feel like everyone should be able to hear the loud single word reminder, and other times I almost think that I missed what He whispered to my heart to feel Him mouth it again. What does this kind of life look like? Well, it looks like someone who always has something to learn. I may not be condemned, but I still make mistakes. The difference is that I don't worry about the tone of God's voices.

Picture this...

My wife sat beside me with a bemused smile as I surfed the net last night. She glanced over and saw that I was absorbed in the editing of another picture. I find photos online that I like and edit out everything but one part- one or both eyes. I am fascinated by how much a person's eyes show personality and attitudes. I find it interesting that God does speak of His own eyes despite the fact that He is a spirit. One that immediatley leaps to mind is the comment that God made that His eye searches the earth to see who He can find that is obeying Him (2 Chronicles 16:9).

The eyes that are the most attractive to me are those that are smiling. I remember that a certain point came in my youth that I started paying very close attention to my father's eyes to see how I was pleasing him. Looking back I see that I stopped trying avoid trouble and do whatever I could to make his eyes smile. This picture is what comes to mind when I hear people discussing legalism vs. living in grace. I have heard that those who advocate a legalistic lifestyle of Christianity are arguing against the license they see in those who live according to grace, but I picture God's eyes when I consider grace vs legalism. Those who live according to legalism tend to live in fear of God's angry eyes. They are afraid that when they look up into His eyes at the judgement they will see His anger and loathing. The problem is that even our righteousness is sinful in His eyes. The stress of this type of fear of the Lord is often overwhelming and can cause self-destruction.

Those who live by grace according to God's Word find that they realize that their goodness is nothing outside Christ, but that God looks through Christ at us using His blood to cleanse our works of their sinfulness. Those who live by grace I see are the ones who live to give God smiling eyes. Like my father who accepted my very best, though flawed, they see that God enjoys their efforts expended in His power according to His will.

Picture this- God is angry at the sinners who refuse His Son. Their every effort is seen for what it is- sinful willfullness (Psalm 34:16). Picture God looking at those that are His children through Jesus' sacrifice. He no longer sees their sinfulness, but their obedient efforts and attidtudes. I don't remember a passage that says this, but I picture God looking away in pain (of course He is greater than this- remember this is my picture) when His children act in willfullness.

I also use this in my parenting- I want my children to look at me and see me watching them in pleasure. I try my best to constantly give them that kind of feedback so that when they dispplease me they know instantly without a word and get instant feedback when they change they actions or attitude. I want my children to see that God, like their father, watches their every move, and has an opinion about it all (Psalm 34:15).

?

worth1000.com, fark.com, and a dash of CNN and BBC news with a sprinkling of accuweather.com have pretty much been a big part of my free time. I decided recently to reduce the amount of frivolous surfing to retain time for profitable endeavors, but time has its way of running away without me being aware. So, here I am with a new post for the first time in months. I do exist, but nursing school with other pursuits has kept me busy.

Middlesweet just wrote me a note saying that she would like to play with me if I can find the time. I don't come home anymore until after the three are asleep during the week because I am having difficulty getting my work hours in around classes and clinicals. I constantly remind everyone that I have less than eleven months left in school, but to my family it seems like forever. My middle child seems to have grown weary of Daddy being gone. I certainly agree with her sentiments.

It isn't that my wife doesn't do a good job. In fact Wonderful is constantly working miracles with our children. It is difficult for her to adjust to handling all this herself when I was able to chip in just a year ago, but with God's grace she is able to provide a loving home even though immersed in a stressful situation. In spite of my wife's valiant overcoming it is obvious that a Daddy is still an important part of this family.

I guess one example would be from one night two weeks ago after I had just settled in the living room with Wonderful when I heard the oldest's door creak open. It is a firm rule in our home that when the children are put to bed they are not to come back out for any reason (we allow a rare case-by-case exception). When the tearful eyes peeked around the corner I had put on my sternest look available. "What are you doing out of bed?" After a few sniffles he choked out "I need to talk to you in private." "Why?" (I had to stay firm, even with a few tears on his face) After a little discussion I agreed and led him back to his room where I directed him back under his covers. "What's going on?" I asked in a gentler tone because he was back in bed.

"For some reason I thought in my heart that God might not be real..." he trailed off. My wife and I have made it our goal to raise godly, sensitive children who will make a difference in the world as they unite their lives with God's plan. To have a child question God's existence when only eight years-old was certainly not part of our plan. Of course he could be stalling on having to go to bed and getting Daddy time, but he knew the penalty for this behavior. Besides, I know that once this fella gets a thought in his mind he obsesses over it until he goes nuts over it. It seemed that this was what had happened. "Why did you think you had this thought?" "I don't know. It just came up." An eight year-old doesn't generally have the capacity for understanding the full ramifications of denying the existence of God so I knew that the problem wasn't the doubt, but the obsession. The question I dealt with was how to lay a foundation that will hold up with future doubts, for doubts will come.

I myself trusted my father's every word about God until one day in my mid-twenties all the philosophy he taught me no longer held up under my scrutiny. I realized then that I had a "second-hand faith" that no longer served me. This is my admission of a laziness and immaturity that I am ashamed of. I needed to validate my faith much sooner, but I didn't. I hope to challenge my children enough while they are still home that they are forced to have their own faith to surround them when they barrel out alone into the world as young adults or older teenagers. I have heard that doubt is the Devil's tool, but I have rejected this belief. Doubt is God's tool to show us what we really believe. If we reject doubt, or, even worse, fear doubt, we refuse to see God in His fullness. I love to think of Elijah hidden in the cave while the power of God showered earth, rocks, and heat all around him. God did not answer Elijah's doubt with as strong rebuke as one would expect. Rather a still, small voice came along and presented evidence of God's foreknowledge and wisdom. Throughout Scripture God met the doubting minds that truly searched for truth with the tender delight of a father teaching his son the basic tenets of the family business. The fool insists there is no God while the wise man asks how to know God. This line of question often begins in answer to a doubt.

I gave up on God for several months while I grappled with the questions of faith that had surrounded me. I pondered those months of doubt while sat there with my son and I wondered what foundation would yield lasting results. I obviously was not going to discourage his doubts. I wasn't going to say that my faith should be good enough for him. I don't think creation has enough evidence to prove God's presence to the doubting mind. Sin has twisted God's beauty too much for the doubter to see His loving hand. Man's philosophy is too full of questions for it to answer such an important question firmly.

God let me falter in my own mind wrapped in turmoil until one day I found myself left with no sense of value in my life, and God's voice whispered in my heart asking me why I cared if He was real. In a flash I understood that it wasn't that I needed to argue with my doubts, but that I needed my doubts to show me that I cared. God had placed in my heart a desire for Him that I couldn't deny, and that work of the Holy Spirit is the basic proof I need of God's existence. This won't work to prove God to anyone else though. I have decided that proving Himself is the Holy Spirit's job anyway. You can't escape God when He has chosen you.

So I turned to my son and asked why he cared. "I don't know. I just want to believe that God is real." "Who made you feel that way?" "God?" "What do you think?" "YES" I don't like to rely on feelings for faith, but some feelings are undeniable. Those who have felt the tug of God on their hearts know what I mean. Others who are His children will know in His time. "Daddy, I guess Satan was making me feel that God wasn't real." "No, I don't think Satan wants you thinking about God. I guess God was asking you if you believed in Him so that you could see how much you cared. Do you care?" "I DO!" "Then pay attention- God may be setting you up for another lesson soon."

I don't know how much my son really comprehended of this whole thing, but as I walked away after another hug and kiss I felt the invisible hand on my shoulder and heard the still, small voice asking "Can you believe in the whirlwind of your doubts?" and I answered "I believe, Lord, help thou my unbelief."

I have so much more to learn.

Imperceptible

Dry moments such as the one David suffered in Psalm 22 have plagued the followers of God for millennia. I dare say that they are the way of life for many Christians far more than they like to admit. For some these times when God seems far away are a source of guilt for some possibly unknown offense. Others find dry times as a source of doubt in God, but there are those who choose faith over the emotional sight that we so desperately desire. The article on the front page of CNN.com about Teresa's Crisis of Faith brought to mind my own current dry spell. Certainly the woman we knew as Mother Teresa was a follower of Roman Catholic doctrine, and so it is possible that she never knew God in the first place. I personally find it difficult to believe that anyone can find God through the tools of pride that the Roman Catholic doctrine provides, but I want to suppose that somehow God did reach Mother Teresa with the truth in His Word about salvation by faith alone. Supposing that this loved woman was truly a child of God in the deepest sense is it possible for her to suffer fifty years of silence from God though seeking Him with a pure heart? I think it is.

This is a big deal because we want to experience God today more than ever, and when we don't we feel a deep sense of failure or hypocrisy. We call this life in Christ a life of faith for a reason. As believers in Christ we are ridiculed by outsiders for our stupidity, our gullibility, and our intolerance, but we want to say "I have seen Him and He is real." Unfortunately we do see through a glass darkly and that means that we cannot see the Subject of our faith, but our sight is not only that of photons perceived, but of the touch that we associate with God's presence. Our life here is incomplete. Just because we don't feel God we can't just assume that He has rejected us or that we have deep rooted sin, but we should remember that God is greater than our condemning hearts and is able to forgive and lead us to repentance.

So don't despair if you can feel God's presence. It is possible that you have to learn to sense Him in a new way, or that this is an extended time to develop your faith. My parting shot comes from First John 3:2-3 "Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears [1] we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure."

As Written

We often hear in church the importance of giving a tithe of our financial income. I also feel that it is important to give a portion of my time in service to my local church. One of these forms of service that I give to my local church is teaching Sunday School, but even when I don't have time to teach because of school I find that I have time to sing on the praise team. Our church has four teams which serve every fourth Sunday during the three services. Each team generally consists of the same people, but on occasion one of us trades Sundays due to a schedule conflict. This week I swapped with a tenor on another team so that I sang with a team I don't know well. For the first time in quite a while I was singing harmonies with which I was not familiar. My alto partner kept pointing to the music saying "It's right there." In other words she wanted me to sing as it was written rather than by ear. I am not whining. It was fun rising to the challenge, but as I was working on sight-reading I recalled a Challenge that God gave me as I drove to Church this morning. The Holy spirit brought to mind a small decision I made the day before that turned into a source of conflict between my wife and I. The Lord "asked" me if I followed His Word in that decision and suddenly my self- justification in my part of the conflict deflated. While I was sitting in the beginning of the service under conviction one of the leaders quoted Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV Online) and it was as if the Holy Spirit pointed to the Scripture and said "Live this as written." If I had lived according to God's Word I probably would have experienced special harmony with my wife rather than the conflict we had. It is so easy to say "It's ok God, I got this one." He points us back to His Word and motions us to study it and live it as written.

Torture

Now I am not an expert on kids, but I do hold the opinion that children have lives that are far more stressful than adults. Think about it- they have to learn a new language while they are also expected to learn social rules, and they are expected to engage both in constantly increased complexity. Adults have to worry about money and keeping their romantic relationships intact while kids have to worry about keeping at least two adults happy while learning a language and other technically difficult tasks as their little minds develop. Then school hits them. I am witnessing this with my three dear ones as they ready for school's start this week.

My older two are incredibly tense as they contemplate their first day of school with Wonderful and myself tied up in knots for them. We met their teachers on Friday, but we don't know what being in the classroom will be like for them. It is like the first day of a new job with all new bosses and co-workers. Ladybug is starting kindergarten on Tuesday and she really doesn't have a clue, but her siblings know what it was like last year and they also know that the material in this year will be more advanced. Wonderful and I have repeatedly reminded our second-grader and first-grader that they had a lot of fun last year, but right now all they remember are the hard times.

So now we all wait as our worst fears and most sincere hopes all wait to be realised. As we wait Middlesweet and JR cope as best they can which means that the eldest is upset by things that he normally shrugs off, and his sister constantly rehashes all her fears. At this moment all we know is the torture of the wait.

System Problems

I was using Word Press, but they kept having system problems so I am back to using Blogger, my tried and true.

My last post elicited a comment from my friend Kris, and brings up an interesting point that probably should be made- Any questions I have raised in my consideration of questions regarding theology are actually questions I have raised myself. It is kind of Kris to make it seem that I have created an answer as intelligent sounding as one that a professor would have created. I do not believe myself to be a great researcher, but I do think that enough evidence exists to question certain things, one of which being the non-biblical assertion that the earth is less than ten thousand years old. It is true that debate exists as to the validity of certain dating methods, but it is also true that the Bible does not date the earth.

The question I am raising in regard to the date of the earth is not in promoting a certain age, though I tend to believe that the earth could be older than young earth creationists believe. My purpose here is to question the dogma that is based on a Biblical inference.

Let me explain it this way- If an archeologist came forward with the bones of Christ I would instantly tell my children that he will eventually be shown to be a fraud. Why? The reason I wouldn't believe this evidence presented by my hypothetical archeologist is that Scripture clearly states that Jesus Christ was bodily resurrected and bodily ascended to Heaven. Great pains were taken by the Apostles to make this point clear. Now as to the age of the universe there is no statement by anyone authoritative in Scripture that the earth is a certain age. A bit of research will show that young earth theorists believe that the age of the earth is defined by genealogies given in Scripture. While this seems to be a good indicator of the age of our current world, it does not mean that the earth is older than the first day of creation. For a hint of where I am going consider the answer to this question- During which day of creation was water created?

While it seems far-fetched consider the fact that 4 billion years could have occurred between Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 1:2. God does not say as much about His creation of the heavens and the earth as He does the creation of what He put in them. One only need to read the rest of the first chapter of Genesis and then the second chapter of Genesis to see that God does not seem to care all that much about the technical details about how it all came about. A super literal reading of these two chapters makes it appear that God forgot in what order He created man and animals. A more appropriate reading of these two chapters sees that God's point in reversing the order of these creations between the two chapters probably had more to do with man's relationship with animals as the superior than an attempt to confuse the super literal.

So we return to my main point- I do not think that we should reject extra-scriptural observations simply because they do not seem to agree with certain inferences made from Scripture by those who teach Scripture. I intend to explain my concern over this in more detail in future posts.

How Old?

I am not completely ignorant as to the arguments that my friends use to support the “young earth” vs the “old earth” beliefs. Old earth theory states that the degradation rate of various atomic particles found in samples of rocks and sediment point to the fact that our earth has been around for billions of years. I have read several seemingly unrelated sources who agree in principle to the facts of this theory, though there may be some discussion to how many billions of years the age of the earth may be. My young earth friends smugly point out that these particle degradation theories cannot be shown to be true since we have no observed data older than a few decades. In the words of one young earth advocate- “Were you there?” . The fact is that both science and theology depend on the idea that present patterns should be expected to predict past and future patterns unless clear reasons are given to state otherwise.

For example, we can look at the degradation rate of certain atomic particles in certain elements to determine the exact age of something from ancient times for which we know the exact age- a dated building from ancient times, for example. The pattern of degradation for the elements in that building should be the same as any other similar element found in the earth’s crust. One simply needs to count to see the number of the particles in one compare to the number of particles in the other to determine the age. The problem is that when the number generated from element found in the earth’s crust the young earth creationists insist that the number must be in error because their understanding of Genesis says that is not true. In other words, their dogma dictates their observations. This is like seeing a creature that looks and behaves like a cat in a cage labeled “dog” and refusing to admit that the creature in the cage is a cat because the label you have accepted contradicts your observations.

Are Christians truly required to refuse to accept their observations if they don’t agree with the Bible? I find a great deal of concern here. Is it possible that our observations which seem to disagree with the Bible are actually pointing out the fact that we have misunderstood the Bible? One need not look far to find an example of this failure. The church of the Dark Ages insisted that the universe rotated around the earth due to a poor interpretation of a scriptural statement. When astronomers could not explain their observations using this poor interpretation of Scripture it was as if they had to reject Scripture in order properly understand the movement of heavenly bodies. The Church finally accepted its theology as flawed and used the scientific observations to explain Scripture better. Is this something that we can do with the creation story in Genesis? Is it possible that we have misread it?

Problems with Scripture

Tonight I read Genesis 1 to my six year-old at her request and I had to admit to some misgivings. As you know I am the member of an outspoken Presbyterian church which strongly adheres to the concept of a literal understanding of the Genesis story of creation. In other words, my church states that God created the world in six days (seven if you include His day of rest) and that the entire creation is but a few thousand years old. This is a concept that I have believed for most of my life, but I have come to seriously doubt these details in recent years. This, of course, is no less than heresy in the eyes of those with whom I fellowship and share genetic traits. So I feel like defending myself, if only for the sake of seeing how brilliant I am to myself.
In the beginning of my defense I must state that we have made a great deal of certain interpretations of the Bible as "ultra-conservative" Christians. We feel the need to defend our faith against all comers due to the fact that our faith has constantly been under attack by the "ultra-scientific" for more than three centuries. I have had some of my fellow Christians take offense at my belief that dinosaurs were real because these great lizards had been upheld as proof that evolution is true. My foray into questioning the truth of the creation story of Genesis began as the result of my father telling me that he believed in a non-evidence-based theory of health care because it is the most true to Scripture. In other words he tossed out the whole record of scientific inquiry into health care practices because its conclusions seemed to him to disagree with Scripture. Now one could debate his understanding of Scripture, but I am forced to consider the more basic problem raised by this stand. Is there any other area where science must be abandoned because it disagreed with the dogma that has become essential to some religious doctrine? In other words, is it right to throw out the observations of science because they disagree with so-called Scriptural dogma? My father and the pastor of my church say yes. I say no.
Here is the deal. God had the Bible written to guide us into His understanding of life. One can find this in Paul's statement that all Scripture is "profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work." (2Tim 3:16-17) This must be acknowledged from the start to understand why the Bible exists at all, and to understand how to approach Scripture. This means that the Genesis story was written for the purposes stated above, and that it cannot be discounted in importance. We must acknowledge that God created the world the way He stated it was created. Now there is a problem. Scientific evidence states unequivocally that the creation is millions, if not billions, of years old. So what do we do with this? What do you think needs to be done with this? Do we toss this out because the rest of Scripture clearly indicates that the time from Day One to now cannot be more than a few thousand years? I want to think about it a little...

Living the life...

I guess I have taken a bit of a hiatus from everything that I had established as a routine. Nursing school has taken a huge hunk of my life into its talons. Even as I am typing this I am listening to a class lecture online. Saturday had been the one day that I reserved as not being a school day. In a little bit I will be making pancakes for my kids and then gathering them to make a run to the pool before any rain comes our way.

Here in the Lost Valley

Wonderful and I made it to Sedalia to visit her sister and brother-in-law at the Lost Valley Ranch last night. It is a wonderful place to visit with very friendly staff. It took "forever" to get here from Denver, but it is fun to be back in the middle of nowhere. The only vehicles one hears are the one belonging to the staff and guests of the ranch. We cannot receive phone calls on our cell phones, but they have a satellite-based-wireless internet connection so that you can read this! Being in the middle of nowhere with internet is awesome!


Remember that this is the day that we celebrate the moment that Christ died on the cross. The other day I asked the kids during a meal what it meant for Christ to die and even Ladybug knew that Jesus died for our sins. What does that mean? Middlesweet didn't really know how to explain it so let me explain it like I did to her.

Imagine that God has a book in Heaven that records everything good and bad that you do. If there is even one bad thing in that imaginary book God doesn't want anything to do with you. He loves all the people in the world, but He can't stand sin at all. When Jesus died on the cross that Friday afternoon it was like He snagged the book and marked "paid" in blood across the note about your sin so that when God looks at it he sees Christ's blood and not your sin. It is not about you or what you do, but Christ's blood and your trust in Him.Ephesians 2:8-9

Looking into the week and Patrick

Well, this brings us to the beginning of another week! Mom, Dad, my older sister, her husband and four kids are preparing to awaken and make their way to a Philadelphia airport to finally fly south to visit my family here in B'ham. I must admit a significantly high level of excitement when considering the fact that by this time tomorrow I shall have my parents and a sibling here with some extended family. I simply cannot wait.

Mom has been keeping me abreast of their adventures in Philly since they had planned only to stop there long enough to catch a plane and zip down to the sunny south only to have their flight stopped by an ice storm (thankfully before they boarded their flight). It seems that the King Tut exhibit was in the area up there and my parents, my sister and her family were able to see this exhibit with my younger sister and her small family. There are times when I wish we were closer to my family, but God has us here in Alabama for a reason.

My favorite thing to do with meals is to tackle certain issues of theology and Christian life with my kiddos. This past weekend we discussed Saint Patrick. As is common for those outside the Church my Middlesweet's school teacher focused on the green and leprechauns that seem to pervade the world's view of Saint Patrick's life. I couldn't just leave the meaning of the day to that so we discussed the life the man of God.

Given the fact that I was raised Baptist, a denomination that has been at violent odds with the Roman Catholic church for centuries, I never did care for any "Saint" that they designated. But as I have read of Patrick's life I realized that he was what I would consider a true man of God. There may be aspects of his ministry that cause me concern, but I question some of Martin Luther's nonessential theology as well. The fact is that Patrick returned to the land of the people who cruelly enslaved him and taught them about the One True God whose Holy Spirit powerfully used this one man to change the history of the Irish Isles.

When I explained to my kids that this one man, through the power of the Holy Spirit, changed history by being a missionary my son's eyes grew large and he questioned- "One man did all this just with God's help?" The answer was yes, but the real question that Buddy was asking was "Is it possible that I could do the same thing?" We rarely realize that our importance as individuals can be as far reaching as the man we know as Saint Patrick. One account that I have read of his life states that Patrick returned to the land of his captors after his escape to his home island to simply express his forgiveness and tell his former captors of Christ's work on the cross. From that simple beginning the story of the Irish Isles and the world has changed. One family legend has it that my ancestors were converted and forced out of Ireland because of their faith. That may mean that Patrick made it possible for me to be who I am today. You and I may not be called to be the Patricks in our world, but what about that one life full of bitterness and hurt that we reach and teach to forgive? You never know where your prayerful obedience will lead.