Back again?

A few know I have taken this school year off from ministry because I have had some very serious doubts about the basic truths of modern Christianity. Some of those with whom I have discussed this know that I am not reacting to hypocritical Christians, although there are plenty of those around me. It is also true that I am not swayed by the problem of evil, though it is a reality. The simplest version of why I "left" the faith is that I lost the sense that it was true. It is very important for those who care about apologetics to realize that any belief in the Christian god must be "presuppositional" in that the individual must first choose to believe that there is an all-powerful God of the Christian type. The Christian scriptures declare that God can be seen in nature, but in reality scientific observation will not reveal the presence of God unless one already acknowledges the presence of God. The athiest sees a beautiful sunrise and sees an amazing interaction between gravity, gasses, and light while the Christian sees the same, thinking that God somehow planned this interaction. Belief in God does not guide the proper observation of the sunset, but this belief allows the Christian to give the interaction unobservable meaning. "The heavens declare the glory of God", but only to those who are willing to believe. So what can explain the difference between the athiest and the Christian observing a sunset? The best answer is the effect of a strong desire to see God that exists in the mind of the Christian. The nonchristian often believes the Christian's desire to see God comes from a need to belong to a specific group or the desire to claim special knowledge, but a Christian will probably cite the effect of the awakening of the Holy Spirit in his "heart" to explain how he can see God working around him. This is where I felt like I "lost" God. I lost the sense of this "awakening" by the Holy Spirit so that I did not have the intuitive sense that He was there. When I tried to "find" God, the logic of it all evaded me, and so I decided to let God pull me back to him if he existed.  I now have the sense that this is beginning to occur. I am in the early stages, but I began praying again this week. For the sake of understanding what is going on I am going to document my progress, and I welcome comments as encouragement or challenges to rethink what I write. Those who have been praying for me I thank you.