Trust Walk Continued

One of our favorite events each year is the trek to the Gulf of Mexico. Our family calls it "The Beach", and we look forward to the moment when we step out of the car and hear the roar of the waves. The first time a couple of our children actually made it to the water the power of the waves frightened them and we had to hold them tightly in our arms as they watched the waves wash around us. My son recently recalled the moment when he actually felt strong enough to stand in the waves and feel them wash around him. He and I love to stand or sit in the "big" waves on the Alabama beach and feel the power wrap around us.

We talked about that moment when he came to me worried about some doubts he faced about realities he was considering, and I described his doubts as waves that he can let wash around him. I am told that the waves on the West Coast are better suited for surfing, but the waves in the sheltered Gulf of Mexico are perfect for relaxing in the water. If you find the perfect spot on the sandbar you can settle where the water comes up to your chest and then turn to face the shore with your back to the Gulf and let the waves splash around you, sometime splashing up against the back of your head. When the wave continues on to the shore the foam obscures what is under the water which is usually crystal clear, and dark shapes in the foam are suddenly made sinister. Once the foam clears I see the seaweed or the dark rock in the white sand for what it is, but for moments I consider sweeping my children up onto the dry sand in case it is a toothy predator.

I have learned to identify all the dark underwater shapes when i first step into the water, and I let the fear wash past me with the foamy waves when that split second glance through the foam made me imagine a shark. As I fight these doubts over the realities of the Christianity I was raised to believe, I recognize that I am not the first to have these doubts, and I take uneasy comfort in this. I have decided to stick with the beliefs I once held dear although they do not resonate with me as they once did. I will continue to seek to worship the God I loved even while the foam of doubt wraps around me. I want to believe. Help my unbelief!